Not My Dream

The Boss
So, he's a bit crazy (but not in the good way, like me, my husband, and my friends!) and a lot controlling. Sound familiar? I bet. He's difficult, changes his mind on how he wants me to handle things, and often I feel bad about myself because of the way he speaks to me and treats ("treat"?? it's definitely NOT a treat!!) me. Example? He throws rubber bands, paper clips, and Post-Its on the floor of his office for me to pick up. I've been working for him for over 5-years. I didn't start yesterday. I came to this company with well over 10-years experience in (bleech) office work. I've been around the block a few times, okay? I'm not a "newbie." Yet, at times he will go into long, complicated explanations on how to send a fax. Seriously? Is this really a good use of my time? Yeah, I know he's paying me, so what the hell? But you know it doesn't stop there, folks. It's not like he recognizes the fact that he's taken up 20 to 30 minutes of my time up explaining something that doesn't need explanation...he'll then ask me if I've written up that subcontract or followed up on such-and-such. Oh really? And when was I supposed to do that?? Whatever!!!!

It's Complicated
How did I end up at this company? It's just him and I (he and I? me and him? whatever). When I started here, there were about 10 employees. The man who hired me is the son of the man I work for now. The son is the son-in-law of my best pal, who I've known for well over 20-years. Close call, eh? I like to play everything close to the heart. Just to make it reeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaallllllllllllllllllllllllllllllly complicated and difficult. Why not? What? Have I got something better to do with my time? Hah!

Only, it's not so complicated anymore...
Those 10 employees? All left or laid off. The company has been hit pretty hard by this economy (the easy explanation, but there's only so much room in this little box). Yeah, and the son who hired me? Doesn't work for the company (i.e. his father) anymore. He left because he didn't want to work with his father anymore (again, the easy explanation, for expediency's sake). Oh, and the "best friend"? Not my friend anymore. We had an earth-shattering-blow-the-f**k-out-hum-dinger and haven't spoke in almost a year. I may or may not explain this further in a separate blog.

Weird and Difficult
After the son left? As you might imagine, working with the dad was no frolic through Lollypop Land. Anger and hurt-feelings abound, and who was there as the whipping boy? Yep, lucky me!! That evened out. He got less angry. Father and Son patched things up, but son is still out on his own. Good for him, I say. But...as to me, I find myself working for this man at a job like so many others. I've always tried to take "ownership" at my work. Makes me a great employee. I take responsibility. I'm willing to bend over backwards and basically contort myself into whatever shape my employer asks of me and I've been able to do this while essentially maintaining my integrity. Pretty amazing, huh? The catch? There is always a catch, right? This all takes its toll, man. This year...well, it's been rough. You cannot repress the emotions that I have over the years and not pay a price. I've come through that, though and I'm finding my way through to the other side.

The "Other Side"
One of the things I've realized? This isn't MY FREAKING DREAM! Who cares what this man wants me to do or how he wants me to do it? This is HIS dream. I'm just helping him out the best I can, to support his dream and in exchange for this I get a paycheck. The paycheck helps pay the bills, until I can get MY OWN DREAM to start paying those dang bills. That's what is getting me through the work day now. When the Boss starts getting up my nose, my mantra is...not my dream...not my dream...not my dream. And it's working. Amen, Sisters and Brothers.


Creating a Blog

"Come on, this isn't a "new thing,"l!" No, it truly isn't. Just a matter of taking the "blog" in my head (runs 24-7, folks) and transferring it (copy only, original stays in my brain) to this little box. How hard can it be? Well...if you're a touch neurotic (like myself), we could be here a while. I'll put it this way. It took me 3-days to figure out what "design" I wanted for my "blog." And after all that hemming and hawing (what the hell is "hawing," anyway? sounds violent!) I'm still not sure if I'm happy. Yeah, the "design" shouldn't be a big deal; however, that's probably only true if you're not me. Would have loved to not use any template what-so-ever and just totally do my own thang (if you know what I mean). However, Google is pretty kewl and they've given us a lot of options to play with. So here it is. Until I change it, that is! Hah!

Why am I writing this dang thang anyway? Creative outlet, my friend. Yep, I need 'em BIG TIME. Sorry, didn't mean to shout I just get excited about creative outlets! Love them!! I'm at the point in my life, however, that I can't just keep having creative outlets just for me...I need to get it out there. Out there. Out where you are, for example. Been writing most of my life. It's pretty much like breathing for me and I want to make my living it at. Heck yeah! I'm tired of being shy, modest, "issue" ridden, whatever. It is time to put up or shut the h*ll up! Not ready to shut up, so, here I am.

I'll give you a word or two of caution, I am a little demented. If weird isn't your thang, this may not be right place for you. But hey, I can play it straight (so to speak), too and there are times when I'm pretty sure I'm brilliant. Of course there are the other times when I'm full of plain old crap. Hah! I'm working on creating a website for my brilliant bits and (yep, you guessed it!) here in this blog is where I can color outside the lines and at times be full of just plain old crap. I know I'm not alone. We all have our stuff. If you've reached a certain age, you know what I'm talking about. This blog is an outlet for my particular (and peculiar) stuff. Hope you enjoy.