Mostly just crazy talk, punctuated by humor and the occasional gem (!!!) of perception. I’m a creative, animal-loving, forty-something woman, newly married, and an unpublished writer (working on it!). Oh, and I'm in the midst of starting a greeting card company (complicated!). Sound like something you can get behind? Please, read on...
The rose still smells sweet and its beauty remains regardless of whatever we may call it. In
the case of this post, I’m including all flowers. I believe Juliet would
approve.
As
opposed to “green” my thumb is brown. Decaying, even. Cracking and crumbly. Maybe
more of an ashy-gray-brown than merely brown. Nice visual, eh? Just trying to get my point across
as firmly as possible. How’s this? Someone once said of me that when I visit a
nursery the plants quake in fear that I might actually purchase and take one of them home with me. A death sentence for the plant, to be sure. Not on purpose, mind you. I bear no ill will toward plants of any kind. Mercifully (for the plants sake), I gave up on gardening years ago. Now I stick strictly to taking
photos or doodling plants and flowers.
The
well-manicured holds little interest for me and my taste runs to wildness or at
the very least deliberate unkemptness. As such, rather than receive a flower
delivery or cut and arrange them in a vase, I much prefer them in their
natural element: growing in gardens (other peoples), waiving delicately from
fields, or my favorite springing up unexpectedly by the side of the road and
sprouting from cracks in the pavement. I’ve always felt this is Nature’s way of
saying “Fu*k you, humans. Think you can restrict me? Hah!” in the nicest and
most beautiful way possible. Nature is amazingly resilient and Beauty always
finds a way to be expressed in the world. Sadly, ugliness also always manages
to have its say, but that’s not what this post is about today.
Due
to the sticky, at times unbearable, and generally annoying uncomfortable heat of summer like many
others, I’ve taken to hiding indoors. One day I’ll find a lovely cool cave,
preferably one located behind a waterfall, and I'll wait out the summer from there,
but until then the walls of our home will have to do.
I
still take my early (early, early) morning walks; however, the darkness at this time is not brilliant for taking photos. I need to force myself to do things other than (and
totally unrelated to) work. Photography generally fills this spot for me. Since
the burning sun of summer is not my friend, I’ve been going through and cataloging
my prior photo endeavors. A girl has to have some fun, right?
A couple of years ago my husband and I took a trip to the country he left for me, the UK (I call it the “old country”). For three amazing weeks we traveled by plane, car, bus, train, and foot from London to Edinburgh and quite a few spots in between. I won’t go on and on about it
(for now), but I will say that I fell hard for the UK. And ouch, it hurts to be parted from a place that you love so much. Under what (for me) passes as normal circumstances, I take a considerable amount of photos. But in the UK? I went insane(r). If I wasn't stuffing my face with chips or slurping a beer, I pretty much had a camera glued to my face. And because I literally took thousands of images, I’ve been meaning to sit down and catalog them. I’ve said it before and I’m saying it again, don’t
you just love digital? I could have never taken so many photos with good old 35mm film.
I
already had the photos sorted into files by date, but I decided that organizing
merely by date or even place isn’t interesting enough, so I’m also creating
collections by subject matter. Regardless of the tediousness of the process, I
am finding it enjoyable sorting through our memories. And you may find it a relief that I'm finally getting back to the subject of this post by saying that below are a few images
from my still-in-the-process-of-cataloging Flower Collection. If wherever you happen
to be is also too hot to enjoy being out and about, I hope you’ve found some
fun ways to occupy yourself indoors during these summer months.
With the fireworks,
cookouts, and various celebrations of American Independence Day just behind us,
I find myself looking forward to celebrating Bastille Day on July 14th.
I’ve never celebrated Bastille Day before. Why now? I’m just not done
celebrating Freedom. I want more. Because the seeking and winning of Freedom,
regardless of one’s country of origin, must be encouraged and commemorated
above all else.
Always ready to embrace change and move forward with ease, Marie Snail celebrates both Bastille Day and the American Independence Day with the great enthusiasm and loads of ice cream.
Sometimes I become overwhelmed with everything I
want to do and everything that I must do. It is clear to me that I cannot do it
all, at least not all at once. What I
can do is trust that I am taking the
correct steps for the path that I am meant to follow.
That sounds really enlightened, doesn't it? I'm
not quite there, yet. I'm working on it. I opened the doors to my online stores
a little over three months ago. Sales are not overwhelming. What I am finding
overwhelming are:
- Marketing-on-a-shoestring, which requires
constant vigilance and for me a massive learning curve.
- Inventory. I create the inventory, which requires many steps: I write it, doodle
it, sketch it or photograph it. Then I scan it to my computer. Then I clean it
up, add stuff (maybe), change stuff (probably), format it, print it, photograph
it, write descriptions, tags, upload it, tweet it, facebook it, pinterest
it...then I have to let it go and hope someone will take interest.
Up until six months ago, I had always
worked for someone else, doing my best to make their dreams come true. It was
never presented to me in such a lofty manner. "Yeah, come work for us and make our dreams come true." Did any of the places I worked at actually ask me to make their "dreams
come true"? No. Never in those words. But that's what I took on. Look, this is what I subscribe to: a business shouldn't be just about making money. A business should be about
fulfilling your heart's desire. What you do for a living needs be about doing
what is in your heart period. Some of us are Healers. Some of us are Teachers. Some of us are Artists, Nurturers, or Storytellers. The form our healing, teaching, art,
nurturing, or storytelling manifests is not the point. In fact, it
really doesn't matter. If you're a healer you can choose the form of doctor,
nurse, therapist, masseuse, witch or shaman. It doesn't matter. You'll still be a healer, regardless. Whatever
lies within our heart is who we are and what we must express. Or
else…what? Or else we’re freaking unhappy. And unhappy people make for an
unhappy world.
With this as my compass and little else but
huge-white-hot-gulping fears and major-butterflies-in-my-stomach excitement, I began
my very own Quest for Freedom to do the work that lives in my heart. Let the Serious-as-a-Heart-Attack-Doubts
begin! Wheeeeeeeeeeeee! What a ride this is. I cannot say that I’m enjoying it
all. Some of it has sucked. Sucked in ways that I’d never even imagined. And my
imagination sits on a lone outpost somewhere beyond Pluto welcoming pretty much
anyone and anything to sit and place an order at its Diner O’ Strange &
Unexpected.
I’m not kidding about the doubts. The doubts are
huge and overwhelming. Way more overwhelming than marketing, finding the right
100% recycled paper and envelopes, setting up an online store, or doodling.
Doubts can absolutely kill you, literally and figuratively. I had to come up
with a plan on how to deal with the doubts. After trials and many errors (something
I proudly admit to excelling in), I’ve come up with this: do it anyway. Really?
That’s the best you could come up with, IK?? Yep.
Eventually, what I’m hoping for is that by “doing
it anyway” I’ll gain freedom from my jailor, Doubt. I realize the doubts will
not go away entirely. I know that there is a reason we have them in the first
place, but ultimately, freedom is what we’re meant to experience. That I do
believe. We are meant to be free. We are meant to be free to do the work that
lives in our hearts. It’s why we’re here. And nothing can truly stop us, except
ourselves. So, Viva La...fill in the blank.
This is how I celebrated the Fourth of July and this is how I’ll
celebrate Bastille Day. To honor the lives lost and the
sacrifices made in the effort of becoming free, I must battle my own demon
doubts with equal bravery, drive, and commitment.
